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Josh Duggar Apology Statement, Edit #14

September 2, 2015

“After getting caught in the Ashley Madison leak, Josh Duggar has issued three revised statements … and counting.” – People.com, 8/21/15

I have been the biggest hypocrite ever. While espousing faith and family values, I have secretly over the last several years been viewing pornography on the internet and this became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife.

While this is painful and humiliating to admit, especially coming so soon after my last public apology for sexually abusing children including two of my younger sisters, it is only the tip of the iceberg of my moral transgressions. So in the Christian spirit of contrition, and on the exasperated direction of our family’s publicist, please also accept my apologies for the following:

  • I pee in the shower.
  • I use the confessional booth dad built in the garage for my own personal vaping den.
  • I’m a fiend for Cosmopolitans, the pinker the better.
  • That snappy collection of leather belts from the Gap aren’t just for holding my Dockers up; they also come in handy for autoerotic asphyxiation.
  • I’m into anal play.
  • I’m into model trains.
  • I’m into anal play with model trains.
  • I herniated a disc while attempting a particularly tricky self-fellation maneuver.
  • I have played “hide the salami” with an actual salami.
  • I never miss an episode of Fresh Air.
  • I regularly diddle Peanut, the family Labradoodle. In my defense, Peanut is the age of consent if you’re counting in dog years. Judging by the waggly tail, he also appears to enjoy it.
  • I Snapchat naked selfies to Harry Styles.
  • Though I stand accused by my family and have staunchly maintained my innocence, the time has finally come for me to reveal the truth: I did, in fact, fuck the Thanksgiving turkey. And the candied yams.

In short, my depravity knows no bounds.

I am so ashamed of the double life that I have been living and am grieved for the hurt, pain and disgrace my sin has caused my wife and family and Peanut and Jesus, and most of all Harry Styles and all those who profess faith in Him.

The last few years, while publicly stating I was fighting against immorality in our country, I was hiding my own personal failings, along with my Girls Gone Wild DVD collection, and the aforementioned salami.

As I am learning the hard way, we have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. I deeply regret all hurt I have caused so many by being such a bad example, as well as the cancellation of our family’s television show, which has put a serious crimp in finances and made it so I can no longer afford my weekly sensual massage (ps – I miss you, Sumiko!).

I humbly ask for your forgiveness. Please pray for my precious wife Anna and our family during this time.

Sincerely,

Josh Duggar

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